And I wanted to really explore my own pleasure. I was a bit terrified of the penis, not really sure what I was supposed to do with it. I wanted to break sex down to put it back together again, learn how and where I liked to be touched, and similarly how to touch a man. I felt that for a long time sex had been caught up in speedy routines, me often being moved around like an Ikea sofa. The first thing that came to mind was slow sex. I’d never actually asked myself this before, so I wrote a list. I didn’t want to get what I’d always got when it came to sex. My friend has a saying: if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got. ![]() I was willing, keen even, but an actor in it, rather than a writer or director of the show. It occurred to me that sex was something that was done to me. I had probably only skimmed the top of how amazing it could be. ![]() ![]() In my 35 years, I felt I’d never really got to grips with sex. I was hardly raising sex to some divine art form, sat there alone with my laptop in bed.
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